BY ADAM JACOBS
Appeared in print: Saturday, May 21, 2011, page D4
Learning about Buddhism in my college class, I had never thought about life in the manner in which Buddha described it: Life is suffering. As a young person, my religion taught a concept of life as beautiful and magnificent, not to be taken for granted. Buddha, however, recognized and accepted that life is impermanent.
An experience of a family member of mine, whose life was utterly transformed by suffering, brings me perspective on this. It makes me realize the true impact that affliction can have to change a person’s entire life.
When I was 10 years old, my very close cousin, Brittany, was killed in a car accident. She was the daughter of my father’s brother. Until that point in my life I had been sheltered from the absolute pain that could happen to someone in an instant. I was just old enough to remember the reaction of my Uncle Doug, who was going through one of the most traumatic life experiences anyone could ever have — losing a child.
My uncle used to be very fun-loving, comedic and laid back until the accident. He went through a period of overwhelming grief, but as time passed and he accepted the fate of his daughter, he gradually came out of grieving, but as a different man. His heart had grown cold. Simply looking into his eyes you could see that he was transformed by pain and suffering. He seemingly gave up on life.
This unfortunate experience reminded me of the Buddhist parable of the mustard seed. “Not from weeping nor from grieving will anyone obtain peace of mind; on the contrary, his pain will be the greater and his body will suffer. He will make himself sick and pale, yet the dead are not saved by his lamentation. People pass away, and their fate after death will be according to their deeds in life.”
This quote had a great impact on me, explaining that living life in constant grief will never make the suffering go away. One must realize that everything in life is impermanent.
The story taught me that it is OK to grieve for the loss of a loved one. My cousin Brittany’s death is still my family’s deepest grief, but people must be able to move on in their lives after a loss like that. Buddha recognized that suffering could quite easily ruin people or deeply change their lives, and thus, the entire basis of his teachings emerge.
He taught his followers that everything is forever changing and will at some point be taken from us. His solution was to find some sort of acceptance of this fact. It might seem unimaginable to depart from the attachment for those like my uncle, whose daughter was the sole thing in life that made him happy. But for people who do not devote themselves to finding this nirvana, Buddha would say that any individual can find peace through freedom from all attachments in life, and therefore find freedom from suffering.
Adam Jacobs is a student at Lane Community College. This column is coordinated by Lane Interfaith Alliance to offer inspiration, share personal spiritual experiences and bring a deeper understanding of individual faith perspectives with the intention of blessing our community and the world. For information, visit www.laneinterfaithalliance.org or call 541-344-0430.