Be open and welcoming, the undefended heart
March 19, 2011
As 30-year seekers and spiritual practitioners, primarily of Buddhism, our journey has led us to many teachers and practices. Always we have sought to find those who inspired us and were useful for our own growth. As counselors, our passion has been to integrate the worlds of psychology and spirituality, bringing the best of both worlds to the task of healing the human heart and overcoming suffering.
We have always been most interested in what directly changes the mind and heart, which for us is the most important point of spiritual practice. In Buddhism, particularly, it is not the relationship between ourselves and God that comprises the spiritual path, but the understanding and overcoming of what causes suffering in the mind and heart.
This opens the way to a life lived with greater peacefulness, joy and a compassionate connection to others and all of life. Becoming increasingly conscious in daily life and relationships is the heart of our spirituality, and what we have come to know as the “undefended heart.”
The undefended heart is an exquisite state of being where we are completely available to life — open and welcoming. We have found that this state is readily available to all of us and is realized most powerfully by simply opening to life itself, as it is, in each moment.
We find that the human habitual tendency is to judge ourselves and others, to defend our values, or to protect the heart from anticipated pain. Moment by moment, we make many judgments about what and who is in our immediate environment and whether or not it is to our liking. Often, when we judge or defend, we are in a state of resistance to what is. We then close our hearts and polarize against others, even those whom we seek to love.
The practice of cultivating the undefended heart is to face our judgments of self or others with truthfulness and presence. We breathe into the closed, contracted or pain-filled mind and heart with one goal in mind: to release ourselves from fighting with what is right in front of us. When we do, our hearts open, our minds relax.
Raising children and our 27-year relationship with each other has given us endless practice opportunities. We often find ourselves preferring something different than simply what is: The day is not going as planned; our partner disappoints us; our teenager isn’t cooperating; clouds and fog fill the sky; friends are ill; aging parents will die soon. The list goes on. When we take a moment to feel our body and our heart while we are in judgment and resistance, it feels tight and closed.
When we can open into the moment with acceptance of exactly what is, we feel spacious and receptive. It is then that we can more easily connect and love. This is what we truly desire. When we work to free our mind and heart from resisting life as it is, we feel more inherently compassionate and joyful.
Louis and Ruthanne “Trinity Harris” Carosio have practiced Buddhism under different teachers for more than 25 years and are co-founders of the Radiant Life Center in Eugene. This column is coordinated by Lane Interfaith Alliance to offer inspiration, share personal spiritual experiences and bring a deeper understanding of individual faith perspectives with the intention of blessing our community and the world. For information, visit www.laneinterfaithalliance.org or call 541-344-0430.